Fifteen years ago I patronized a shoe repair man who also grew tomatoes. I only mention the tomatoes because they were charmingly displayed in wood boxes with the word “Tomatoes” stenciled on the boxes. I guess it was redundant but who cares?
The shoe man did a fine job. He had a nasty, gruff manner and no competition so everyone went there. I always bought a tomato when I picked up my shoes and he’d take a paper bag and snap it open. That snap reminded me of Morris the Cheese Man but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
One day I noticed there was a sign behind the cash register. The sign said “We also fix souls.” It was a time in my life when my soul was in trouble so I called him one day and asked if it was a good time to come over and talk. He said “sure” and hung up.
I remember parking my car at a one-hour meter so this soul fixing had to get right to the point. The Summit, NJ police are notorious for handing out tickets for chewing gum on the street (it’s sort of like Singapore). Luckily, the repair shop was empty.
Me: “Sir, I came in today about my soul.”
The Shoe Man: “Let me see your shoes.”
Me: “No, it’s my soul (pointing to my heart). It’s crushed. I’ve lost all my energy. Can you help me?
The Shoe Man: “You sound like you’re down at the heels. Take off your shoes.”
Me: “Forget my shoes, Mr. Shoe Man (I never did catch his name). Your sign says you fix souls and that’s what I need to fix. I’m 43 years old and I haven’t found my purpose.”
The Shoe Man: “You take good care of your shoes. Looks like you shine them nearly every time you wear them.”
Me: “I do shine them every time I wear them. That’s one of the reasons I’m broken-hearted. I have shiny shoes but I’m dull and disillusioned. I need a purpose.”
The Shoe Man: “Use a brush after you polish.”
Me: “Mr. Shoe Man, my children are busy with school and activities, my husband works late, I don’t play tennis or bowl, and I’m lonely and sad. When I saw your sign, I thought you could help me.
The Shoe Man: “How about switching to a Vibram sole? All of my customers like them.”
Me: “What about that sign, Mr. Shoe Man? The sign says “We also fix souls.”
The Shoe Man: “My wife’s father was a shoemaker, too. He made the sign when I told him about Vibram soles.”
Me: (Big sigh) “Thanks for listening. Nothing has changed but maybe a tiny weight has been lifted.”
The Shoe Man: “You want lifts, you come to me. I can make you at least two inches taller.”
(No, I did not buy a tomato that day!)
That was hillarious! Made me lighter after a nasty patch in office! Thanks
- Sreemanti
Dear Jobless Not Jobless: You’ve got to get ahold of these nincompoops at the office. What is wrong with them? Ignore them — they’re jealous of your force-of-nature personality. You just can’t help yourself, can you? (Double wink). Always wonderful to hear from you, Non Jobless.
And some people think that spelling doesn’t count!
Ellen,
It is 7:56am and you have already made my day. From my perspective, your soul is in great shape. Ask around. I’m not alone in thinking this.
Now put your favorite pair of shoes on and stomp around. Don’t forget the red lipstick…
Anne
Dear Anne: The moment I read your response I shaved three years off my therapy. Thank you! It’s wonderful to hear from you…how did you know I’m wearing “Lipstick Queen” red today? Have you tried “Lipstick Queen” lipsticks? To die for.
Dear Ellen,
Thanks for the tip re: “Lipstick Queen” lipstick. I am a lipstick junkie and love finding a new “fix”. Don’t you think it’s amazing that you can bolster your mood with such a small and relatively inexpensive item? It’s like wearing bright toe nail polish during the winter. You smile all day knowing that it’s there even though no one else can see it. Let’s hear it for the little things.
Too funny!! Just the chuckle I needed this morning, the day should always be started with a smile and your post did the trick!
Dear Lily: I am humbled by your kind words and promise to always give you a chuckle or something to mull over. Your website is divine — I hope all of my readers (they’re dropping likes flies…) will follow you as your point-of-view is de trop.
Great story. This is made all the more entertaining after last night’s show on H2 about shoes where they talked about the Vibram soles and how significant they were to changing the shoe industry. Keep ‘em coming!
Dear SoulMate: Thank you for writing! Have you tried Vibram soles? They really are great. You just made my day…keep ‘em coming! Regards, E.
Ah, yes. Another pet peeve. Details count. Reminds me of that blessed warning: Good Spelling is the difference between who they their sh-t and people who know they’re sh-t! I can say that as the first line in the recuitment hierarchy at my office, I automatically ding! applicants who get my name spelled wrong in the cover letter.
First rule of trying to get on someone’s radar screen: Spell their name correctly. Your pal, E.
somehow I deleted the first “people”; beyond ironic