Do you mind if I get personal?
I didn’t think so.
The people I feel the closest to have some sort of “skeleton” in the closet. Life has thrown them a few curve balls. Sometimes they ducked and sometimes they got socked in the kisser.
They rarely bring up the “skeleton” but you know it’s there. It’s not all lah-dee-dah if you know what I mean. They’ve been hurt but it made them stronger and more resilient. I know because I have a “skeleton” in my closet.
When I was 15, I came down with meningitis. For days, I had a fever of 106 degrees or higher. I was away from home so I didn’t have access to a doctor or the hospital. By the time the fever broke, my hearing had been damaged. My life had changed and now it was up to me to figure out how to create a well-lived life with a hearing impairment. As the good doctor would say “Everyone is impaired. It’s just that yours is evident.” He’s on the money, that’s for sure.
Impairments come in all shapes and sizes. I have a relative who is a monologist…she never takes a breath. Her soliloquies go on and on till you’re nearly comatose. Her inability to listen is an impairment. It prevents her from hearing people’s words and their concerns, their loves, and their losses. Unlike someone who listens with full-presence, my relative is impaired by her self-absorption and/or fear of silence. It’s a pity, too, because she has a really cool beach house with lots of bedrooms.
I was thinking about pearls this morning. Not because I wanted to wear them but because they’re a perfect metaphor for transcendence. Do you know how pearls are formed? When a foreign substance slips into the oyster, it irritates the shell and its organ. From that irritation a beautiful pearl is formed.
When I think about my hearing loss, I think about a pearl. The meningitis was the foreign substance that slipped into my shell and caused pain and havoc. But unless there’s irritation, the pearl doesn’t form.
I wish things had been different. I wish life had not thrown me a curve ball. But I hope I’m a pearl — not a perfect pearl — but at least a cultured pearl.
Dear Ellen,
Yes, you are a cultured pearl, and a lusteristic one at that ! I too have a childhood hearing loss and now a constant ringing in my ears that makes life even more interesting.. But like you , I have learned how to make music with the noise I “hear” and do believe that having fun and finding true moments ( at a certain stage of life !) Can not only be had, but abundantly if one only has the eyes to see!
Your book and your posts are a wonderful addition to my world. Keep up the life you were born to live !
Dear Charlene: I am thrilled to hear (no pun) that my decision to write the latest blog would touch you in such a profound and lovely way. I say it back to you: Keep up the life you were born to live! Most appreciatively, E.
Ellen this post meant so much to me. Darn it, I’m choking back the tears now, woman! And, yes, you are a pearl!
Dear Eleanor: I adore it when someone calls me “woman.” Girlfriend, youse it! Thanks again for the unconditional support! Warmest regards, E.
you are a pearl. without you, I am an empty shell.
Mrs. Bass, you are no empty shell. You are a well of creativity, imagination, and beauty. I am happy that my pearl is part of your collection. Your E.
You are a cultured pearl, have no fear. And you are an inspiration.
Dear Editrix or should I write Editrix Deluxe: You are my inspiration and the best at singles email. I keep hitting the net. Give me some coaching on my swing. Yours, E.
Ellen, dear Ellen, I can’t imagine there is anyone I personally know who has taken a curve ball and turned it into so many home runs. You are in a lot of people’s Hall of Fame. (Yup, I zigged away from the pearls and used your curve ball metaphor instead.)
Dear Melodius: I’ve hit some homers but so have you. Have you polished our trophies? 4-ever, E.
Found your book last year in a strangers stuff, found it wasn’t easy to come by, so thefted it briefly and copied it. Have had this daily email for sometime along with others that everyday I just delete, you know too much to do, and taking care of myself is way down the priority list, but this morning I decided to make myself the priority and read all the ideas and wisdom that I signed up for.
I wear pearl earrings (fabulous 13mm) almost everyday, and they now are going to take on a bit more meaning. It took an opera length strand to get me to where I am at today, and now I am a bit more grateful for them too.
Thanks
Dear Lisa: I chuckled when I read the line “I just delete”(your emails.) It’s always a hoot when someone is so direct and I mean that as a compliment. I’m glad the pearl metaphor worked. Opera length is de trop! Best, E.
You’re not just the pearl but also the velvet box and gift wrapping that goes with it. It’s all about focusing on the positive. Enough with the whiners!
Dear Jody: And you are the raffia ribbon that adds the dollop of originality. Yes, I agree — enough with the whiners! Always a delight to know you’re part of my posse. E.
Your story is interesting and it is true to how life can throw us curve balls and how we either duck or take the hit and heal from it. I too have had many curve balls thrown at me in life as so have many others and I agree that how you recover makes all the difference. I never looked at these life challenges as pearls but can agree that irritations in life can allow us beauty in the end – great story and I will see my pearls very differently.
Dear Colette: Duck as often as you can but if you get slugged, you will recover. Lovely to hear from you. E.
Beautiful piece!
As always, your words mean so much. You are a matchless pearl.
Sparkling and pristine, as always!
Sreemanti
Dearest Sreemanti: At last I don’t have to call you the Ideator. Thank you as always for being such a champion of my writing. Have you poked me lately with a request? I am at your disposal. Most admiringly, E.
Blown away by this piece.
One pearl, you? Only one? I see glorious strands of baroques knotted on the steeliest, strongest threads, piled around your neck as you field and hit those curve balls, making it look so easy. Always marvel that you consistently do this.
Dearest Dazzler: I dedicate that blog to you and your fierce confidence in me. It was time to share. 4-ever.
This is just the most beautiful and touching post! Thank you!
Dear Andrea: I am so touched by the wonderful support and your loving comment. It means a lot. Thank you, thank you, thank you. E.
A very beautiful post. You put into words something I’ve seen in myself recently, the transformative effect of an extended period of grittiness. I’ve noticed myself becoming more open, softer, kinder, towards myself and others. And also feeling a deep spiritual connection where previously there was a void. Like you, I wish the curve balls didn’t happen, but I find that the transformation expands in relation to how far I can embrace what is happening, so I try not to wish too much.
Well, I can be awfully serious sometimes, but I’m a fun gal really. No really, I am. Anyone will tell you.
Oh yes, and you are most certainly a pearl, a whole sea bed full of ‘em.
Dear Debbie: I loved your comment. No really. I did. (wink) And I’m so glad that you are pushing through the obstacles with grit and determination and of course, respect and love for yourself and your courage and strength. Thank you too for the kudos and for getting in touch with me. Most admiringly, E.