Surely you know at least one person in your life who is the pinnacle of fabulousness and yet…he or she would never admit it nor accept the compliments.
They go to great lengths to mask their obvious gifts. Perhaps it’s a burden to be so delicious and divine?
Right now I have a girl crush on a woman who is other-wordly and yet, every time I try to tell her about her remarkable gift at friendship, she bats me away. I suffer from the same problem: I am terrified of admiration.
If you duck rather than wallow in accolades, I’d like to suggest the following:
#1. When someone offers a compliment, accept it gracefully. Do not disagree with his or her opinion of you. A “thank you” and perhaps a little blush (better than powder or cream) is delightful.
#2. Do not mask your obvious gift at easy warmth, accessibility, and positive optimism. Put it out there, wear it on your sleeve, bring oxygen into the room, and infect everyone with your remarkable ability to take adversity and re-frame it as a challenge.
#3. Do not shy away from being “the one.” People, we are not born fabulous. We become fabulous by reading The Essentials of Fabulous (aside: Forgive me. I just couldn’t help myself) and making all the details count — manners, competence, sharp-eyed observation, and a memorable sense of style.
#4. Do not listen to the voice in your head that focuses on the negative rather than your positives. That voice should have been deleted when you were in sixth grade and about to brave the terrifying world of the alphas who ruled the middle school cafeteria (Yo, cafeteria girls! You’re staying late tonight to finish up some work I have.)
#5. Love yourself. Love who you are. Ye olde motivational books would tell you “accept yourself.” I agree but I want you to go even further — love yourself. LOVE LOVE LOVE your energy, panache, sense of fun, and willingness to admit you’re an occasional idiot.
#6. Throw caution to the wind. That includes: Sleeveless dresses if you don’t pump iron, white jeans if you’re not a stick insect, uber-stylish summer hats that may cause “hat hair” (who gives a damn?), and a swagger as you sashay to do an errand because let’s face it: You’re utterly and completely incandescently wonderful.
Don’t waste another minute being reluctantly fabulous. I’ve heard from a good source that it’s akin to finding gold.
Great post Ellen!
I don’t shy away from my FABULOUSNESS but I “dislike” the obsessive “girl/boy crushes” it sometimes generates. Some people don’t know how to pull back you know?
Great post Ellen!
I don’t shy away from my FABULOUSNESS but I “dislike” the obsessive “girl/boy crushes” it sometimes generates. Some people don’t know how to pull back you know?
Dear Evelyn: You are right — crushing can get out of hand but it’s fun when you’re the giver or the receiver. I’ve been both and it’s an absolute riot! Thanks for writing. Regards, E.
Dear Dear Dear Ellen!
What joys reading this
Wish the lady well
Touched.
Sreemanti
Dear Jobbed/Jobless: I like your emoticons. I send emoticons of admiration and affection to you. Always a pleasure to hear from you! Regards, E.
My dad told me often that when someone gives you a present or compliment accept it graciously. I do!!! If some person thinks I am a fab. lady, who am i to disagree!!!LOL
Dear Dee: If someone thinks you’re fab, they have excellent taste. Relish it (couldn’t resist the pun or your delightful response). Best, E.
If someone gives you a compliment and you brush it off with disparagement, it will be a cold day in July before you hear another one.
When I give and do not receive proper acknowledgement, I ask, “Why would you say that?” and point out that the appropriate response is “That’s always nice to hear.” Maybe I am not as fabulous, but it is a teachable moment.
Dear Janet: We run from acclaim. Shakespeare knew we’re all just players on the stage and some of us are afraid of the klieg lights. I’m with you — accept the compliment as it’s a gift. Thanks for reading and writing. E!
Clearly, dear Ellen, being fabulous means getting up with the sun. Because I can’t believe you have 4 comments to this post before 6:30 am!
Love everything you do.
Dear Melodious: I usually play the bugle when I post a blog. It’s easier that way. I love everything you do as you are sui generis as well as generous. LOVE!
I have learned so many lessons from you – you are the new inner soundtrack in my brain, and I continue to press rewind, and play again. I will share with my daughters, and try to be a better role model. And I’m going out to buy a new hat – who cares about hat head!
Dear Sue: Does your inner soundtrack include “Sweeney Todd?” Coo gentle and uplifting words to yourself so you walk about with a smile on your beautiful face. I cannot wait to get an update on your “hat hair.” Your admirer.
Oh Ellen,
LOVE this post. Thank you for teaching the world to embrace their inner-FAB. When someone notices, it just means that you have lit them up too! Thank you for your beautiful writing.
Dear Alexa: Like a moth, move to the light where it’s bright and illuminating. Like you. Always with admiration, E.
Love this post, Ellen! So many folks are brought up to have this weird kind of modesty. Like if we act like the great folks we are, we will be taking up too much room!
Well, you put all that nonsense to rest!!!
Dear Creative Times: True humility is noble. Faux humility is disingenuous. If someone is wonderful and gets acknowledged, why wiggle your way out of it? Did you ever see anyone return the Legion of Honor? Thanks for writing! Regards, E.
Indeed. Receiving graciously is a form of giving back — you are in fact acknowledging the validity of someone else’s opinion, words, and effort. It is soooo important. It keeps the flow positive — it reminds me of the PBS campaign — “Be more creative, get inspired” where they show different people from different walks of life; on the bus, in the elevator, on the sidewalk and they are infecting each other with positive energy and inspiration — it is in fact not visible to the naked eye — but on the commercial they show stardust or twinkling light. Love that. Energy is never wasted, it always goes somewhere and usually returns unto the sender.
Dear Jennifer: A beautiful statement from you on positive energy and how we each need to keep it traveling like a chain letter. Sending you a twinkling light of thanks! Regards, E.