The first time I saw the word “TOLDJA” in print, I guffawed. Actually, I laughed…bitterly. “Toldja” is a.k.a. “I told you so” and unfortunately, I hear that too often. Way, way too often.
And what exactly might someone say after he/she hears “I told you so?” Absolutely nothing because the conversation has just come to a screeching halt. It’s over. Finito.
The fun of life is engaging with others, forming strong alliances and building friendships that are trustworthy and loving. The fun of life is spending time with people who withhold judgment, accept you with all your foibles and take delight in your neurotic need to remove every piece of lint from your black sweater (even if it means asking the waiter for scotch tape since you forgot to bring the mini lint roller.) The fun of life is being untethered from the dark inner speak that mocks and ridicules you. The fun of life is listening to the words in your head that enable you to have the confidence to take a risk, possibly make a mistake and yet, come out smelling like a rose.
When I hear “I told you so” I hear: “You should have listened to me.” “You shouldn’t have bothered.” Really? It’s the complete antithesis of fabulous. As I write in The Essentials of Fabulous, “Try to be unconditionally accepting to those you care about. It’s not easy just to sit back and say very little, but it will encourage honesty and authenticity.”
You think we can manage that?
A topic very close to my heart. I have suffered from most of my decisions which were very risky and purely impractical. And I continued making them because I thought I wouldn’t like to regret for anyone else’s sake. And I have suffered, both from the consequences and the million TOLDJA s. Recently they were so series that the the TOLDJAic personalities held back their tongues in shock and offered sympathy instead. It’s very difficult to take risks, especially when you’re repeatedly on the losing side. Still, feels goods reading. Take Care
- Sreemanti
Dear TJI, taking risks is all part of growth and ambition. Reframe detours and roadblocks as all part of wanting more than just something ordinary. Love our correspondence!
Say less, listen more. Words that I TRY to live by. But sometimes the need to be the authority in any matter takes over my mouth! Say less, listen more.
This week my two best friends are away. I could have used a chat with them yesterday because the listen. Sometimes they have some insightful comments, sometimes they just listen. They very rarely do TOLDJA. How grateful am I? I want to be that kind of friend.
m.
Dear Marg: I’m glad you’re reading closely and my writing is resonating, activating the neurons. That’s all I want to do! Thanks for chiming in — love love love it!
Yes please!!!!!
Toldja!
No one likes to be reminded they’ve made a mistake or made a bad decision. We have all made those errors but that is life. A favorite expression I have is “you cannot ‘unring’ the bell.” At that point, we need to move on and learn from our experience.
Since no one is perfect, we will all continue to make mistakes and bad decisions. Each bad choice should yield better choices going forward.
Those who accept our foibles and “shtick” are our true allies. I am someone who thrives on total honesty and align myself with non-judgmental friends who accept my brand of “nuttiness.”
Dear Michele:
Mistakes or decisions…life is full of detours. Don’t look back, look ahead! And when someone says “I told you so,” take a breath and count the black pants in your closet. OM.
I use “toldja” periodically and have to admit that you are right- after I say it the conversation stops. You brought this quagmire to light and I am going to make it my Lenten sacrifice (yea!! Now I don’t have to give up wine or chocolate!!) to refrain from using that word.
Thanks for enlightening me. I knew it wasn ‘t polite, but I coulldn’t put my finger on the problem.
I am so glad, Miz Cindy, that I have illuminated “toldja” and convinced you to banish it from the conversation. You sound divine!